So yes it is that time of year again, it’s my birthday. But this year I am forty and I am really feeling it. I never pictured myself at forty and it is scary. I shyly look in the mirror and find a grey hair. It’s my first present of the day, how wonderful.

Making my way to the kitchen a feel my body creaking and I ponder if leg arthritis is beginning. Yes this is the beginning of the end. I saw my future next week retiring with my cane because I could no longer walk or hold a job down.

I go through my usual day of getting the kids off to school and then drive down the road to work in a slight drizzle. Great, as I think to myself, a perfect addition to my mood; rain. As I get to my office I think what a great day it is to walk in the rain from my parking spot to the building and why I bothered even doing my hair.

As I get to the office there are some festive balloons in my office surrounded by the proverbial over the hill you are 40 giant balloons that I get to stare at all day. They mean well, but it sure doesn’t add to my mood of feeling over the hill. So I delve into the cake they got me at lunch and think to myself why not, I’ll take the calories I’m over the hill anyway.

By the afternoon I am in a basic state of depression and mourning my youth when I see my phone ID spark Lisa’s name as it rings. I pick it up knowing that she will be having fun teasing me since she is after all two years younger than me. But she is not her usual self and the teasing has a bit of sadness to it.

She tries not to cry but I want to know what is wrong as she tells me, ‘I’m so sorry to tell you this today, but I just found out I have breast cancer and I really need a friend right now.’ After hearing this devastating news I feel awful. Here I am in my pity party of one and my best friend just got the worst news of her life. As I console her and tell her it is going to be okay I am slapping myself for being such a selfish idiot.

How could I let my thoughts go so far in the negative? I am so blessed to have what I have and how could I dare complain. What is a little wrinkle when I have my health? So as I get home I rush into the house and hug my kids and my husband and realize just how blessed I truly am.